Dear 28 year old me.

Dear 28 year old me, 

I'll start with the fact that your life around you is falling apart slowly.  Don't believe everything that the devil wants to tell you, those whispers in your ear of hate they aren't true.  God has a plan for you, after all he brought you down here so you could finally come to know him.  The moments you are having with your crazy all over the place toddler are precious, for you will never have these moments ever again with her.  Cherish the relationship that you are building with that sweet baby girl, laugh when you can, teach her everything that you can.  She's a sponge though!  Watch what you say around her, how you act, and what you do.  Pretty little eyes will learn from you... 

Your marriage is over, it's been over for years while you may believe this is all your fault when looking back on it.  It is not all your fault, marriage is 50-50 you give & take.  You can not and will not fix anyone person, no one in return will be able to fix you.  That is how life is, right now your hurting your pain is real, raw & true... Being alone is hurtful, as you haven't lived or been alone for 8 years... This is the time you need to fall back on God.  His grace & mercy will hold you up, he's the one that has always been there at the end of the day anyhow, even if you never wanted to believe it.  


As I'm writing all of this to myself, at the current age of 28 with the largest lump in my throat that nothing will take away other then crying my heart out I'm realizing everything i've said above is true.. My raw & true feelings of what I am currently going through are going to pass.. I will be able to move on, carry on I need to.  Not for myself, but for that beautiful hazel eyed brown haired little life that is sleeping in the next room as I listen to worship music and write this...  She's the only thing that matters at this point in my life, and she's the only thing that will matter at the end of every day.  She's my little blessing, without the marriage that has fallen apart she wouldn't be here... Whether or not at the end of the day my heart is breaking, hers is innocent & whole right now and I have to make sure that it stays that way for as long as I can... I haven't fully broken down in tears yet, with everything going on I can't even begin to break down.. The normal that I thought I had is now disappearing, but I have to know how to build a new normal... Life is forever changing, if it wasn't we'd all be stuck in Groundhogs Day over & over again.. Nothing is the same forever.. The Lord gives & takes away every second of everyday.. I have to learn to be thankful for what I have, to build my life the way I want it.. I have to learn to support myself in more ways then one.. My life is changing big time, I'm going to be a single parent more so than what I was before.... Now i have a huge plate in front of me that I might believe isn't that full, but I'm sure like every time we sit down & eat I will get half way through my huge plate of food and be extremely full and not able to finish the rest of it... 

For now, I have to work on me... 
So 28 year old Kristen ; Work on yourself.